A couple weeks , I saw someone posted up about Ironman training and that the emotional roller coaster had already set in. I thought to myself, “not yet, not me.” And then… BOOM! It freaking hit and for the past couple weeks, I’ve been an off and on hot mess! Right now in my training plan, I believe we are attempting to have me hit a low in an effort to build me up, at least that’s what I’m trying to tell myself.
When I raced Ironman Texas in 2012, I didn’t really have any mood changes until the morning of when I started freaking out about goggles I knew I had put in my bag but couldn’t seem to find them when walking to the swim start. We stopped, minor panic attack with tears and then I found them. Crisis averted. We laugh about it now… then, not so funny.
This time, I don’t know if I’m just hard on myself or if I am just going plain insane! Dustin and I were talking last night about Puerto Rico, he says, “I’m excited (about the race)”, I say, “I’m really nervous”. This led into a conversation about why I’m nervous. I don’t want to have a finish like Galveston 70.3 last year OR how I finished out the season – that was a terrible last race… I mean TERRIBLE!
Lately though I’ve been having dreams about IMTX 2012. It’s like all the people who either wanted to be assholes or unintentionally were assholes have been haunting me. In case you don’t remember or are new to the page, I’ll fill ya in or refresh your memory. I had some dude smash talk me on the bike only for him to have his ass chicked by me and later admit his fault on the run. He’s back. The woman at one of the aid stations, “oh honey, I was so worried about you going around here, I didn’t think you’d make it”. Ugh, she’s back. Then all the people saying what an inspiration I was … I’m holding onto them, their words, their facial expressions and not in the positive light one might think. So thinking, dreaming, trying to flush these thoughts out are hard. Where did they come from? I thought I buried them a long time ago, I did bury them a long time ago. But I guess nerves have made them resurface and I can only pray, I can keep my trap shut instead of telling someone off who says something like that to me again (because that almost happened to an older “gentleman” at the gym last week when he said “you’re not exactly a thin girl” after he asked what I was doing in the hot tub (SMH… filter people, filter. Think before you speak!).
This block has been tough but I am definitely ready for next week, Puerto Rico with our Boston besties! Beautiful weather, on an island, in a house, racing in paradise – what more can a girl ask for?! Oh, and a SHORT TAPER! For the most part we’re training straight through but I’m excited about the taper too! Until we leave, I’ll calm myself with my workouts putting 110% effort into everything and hoping that I see some results come next Sunday (because we’re really doing this as a let’s see where I’m really at race).
Happy training this weekend peeps! What all do you have going on??
Enjoy the Ride!